My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
