were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
