apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
