I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
