Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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