I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
