You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
