I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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