She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
