remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
