So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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