Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
please don't ironically join a cult
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