I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
