I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
