I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
