She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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