On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
