Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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