Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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