dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
