Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
