I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
