I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
