HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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