Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
