the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
