Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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