Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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