We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
