why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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