you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
