Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
