he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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