Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
