Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
