If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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