WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
