if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
