I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
