i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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