we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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