ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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