wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
