I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
