it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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