I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize