How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize