No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
