new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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