My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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