he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
