U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
