Where is the hickey?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
