Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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