Just cropdusted the office
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
