Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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