ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
