yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize