I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
