oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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