Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
