i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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